Katrina
My identity is sekkrit. Not really.
November 27th 1988
I'll hate writing about myself.



I want a bajillion dollahz..

I moved.

hellokat.tumblr.com

In case you were wondering.

New hair. BANGS! What do you think? My momma thinks I'm amping up my Chinese background to a tenfold, and her friends, whom I've never met before, thought I was a Chinese friend of my sister's (afterwards they thought we were twins...wtf). Hahaha. I didn't straighten it or anything, I actually had it in a bun beforehand, so when I let it down it was all wavy and weird. I usually straighten it, but, yeah. Oh, and it's also dyed from a box dye! L'oreal Preference for Dark Hair. Works really well. =]

I know, I'm a whoring myself a little. But you know what? IDGAF. And yes, those cutesy asian poses are on purpose. I'm aware I look like an idiot. =D

My heart was caught in a landslide
And now it feels for you only.

This is my 200th post. Wee!

Soooooooo I'm trying very hard to be a lot of things at once. Listening to guys' advice can be so confusing. Ok. So, apparently, I have to be:

1. A flirt
2. But not too aggressive
3. I have to "GO FOR IT!"
4. But don't get so anxious
5. Go with the flow
6. But make sure to be really on his case
7. Not expect too much
8. But not settle for anything less.

This is kind of confusing. It's like back and forth: some say I'm too aggressive, some say I don't do enough, some say I expect too much, some say I'm lazy about the whole thing. Honestly, after what happened the last time? I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want. I'm gonna show that I'm interested. I don't do games.

Don't be too aggressive? Are you guys serious? You guys can be so fucking dense sometimes there isn't any other way but to be aggressive. But don't worry, I'm not gonna flirt with you every time it's my turn to speak. I have some sense, you fucking dolts.

Don't get so anxious?
If I could help that then I would. Try falling for someone hard and try to act all whatever about it. If you said you could, then you haven't fallen for anyone. You're just fooling yourself.

Don't expect too much? Fuck off, I'm a girl, we expect things. Although I'm not looking for like a marriage or whatever, what I'm expecting is simple. I just want to spend more time with you. Romance isn't required. God, why would anyone be so scared of that? Am I that horrible to spend time with? And M and I have spent a lot of time together before, so what's wrong with expecting for more? I realize there's a big possibility of rejection, but I've handled way worse. I'm not made of glass. Also, it's simple science. If you don't have a theory, there's no point in trying out an experiment to prove it. And everyone's advice is to "go for it!". So if I didn't expect anything, I wouldn't even bother flirting. SUCK ON THAT.

My wise friend, Lisa Ng said that if I really want something, I have to show that I want it, think positive thoughts about it, and it'll happen. I thought about it, and it sort of makes sense. I'm not sure if it works on wanting someone, but with objects, fuck yeah it does. Just make sure your dad notices you pining away for it. (I want an iPhone now) But I digress, I might have to try out on M. OMG if he doesn't know by now then he's just an idiot.

Hahah!

Anyways, today is Canada Day. I was at Victor's house last night to celebrate Lisa's birthday. I had a few tequila shots for the first time! It was pretty good. :9 (then I drunk texted someone...*cough*M*cough* which I still don't regret. Haha. It was funny!) We surprised her with cake, and she cried a little. And there was roses. I still have to get her her cactus. Haha. I hope she had a good time.

I'm actually very content today. Happy, not anxious, not restless. I want to go running today! So I might. =)

I haven't posted in a while! As you know, I've had the most hectic week. I'm really sleepy at the moment, actually, but I have a few things to get off my chest.

First off: Michael Jackson. When I was smaller I was in love with him and his music, and he's the first ever artist that I ever listened to. He made me very interested in music, and my dad's 2 part video anthology VCD was our most-watched thing in our whole video library. When I heard the news I was shocked, and I was hoping it was a rumour. But when everyone confirmed it...I felt devastated. I don't know why, I guess it's because he was my first idol. He was a great musician and dancer, and his life was fucked up. But I'm glad to know that even though the last run of his life was a little strange, especially with the public eye constantly ostracizing him for his strange behaviour (that ultimately we probably pushed him to do), the world remembers him as what he truly is: a living legend whose originality changed pop music forever, and as a good charitable man who loved his family. His legacy will be on everyone's lips 100 years from now! Rest in peace, Michael. You will be missed.

Alright, on a much lighter note!

My spring classes have ended and I have complete freedom! YAY! And you know what? I have a new love interest. We shall call him M. (Yeah, it's Michael Jackson.) I think he knows because, well, he's sort of saying a couple of things that a girl like me would ponder over. I think he's said them before, when I didn't give two shits about his come-ons, but I've never noticed. I guess now that I have 'woken up' I'm a little more attentive. But it's a little different...he seems kind of cautious, but at the same time he's willing to. I never initiate conversations on MSN. And he's the one who calls me every night. And he's the one who wants to hang out with me on Sunday. (Well, I want to hang out with him too!) He's supposed to come over tomorrow, but he might not make it due to work & dinner at his aunt's, but he says he wants to hang out anyway. =D

My friends are getting a little suspicious. I didn't tell anyone, because I don't know how they'll take it. I'll be honest....I will get made fun of for liking him (because he seems like a wimpy little shit if you ever meet him) if they ever found out. Add that and my previous crush on R, who's closest friend happens to be M--they'll think my taste in men is just terrible. I agree. But then again the reason I like(d) these two is more of their personalities than looks. And M has always been there for me, through all the major problems in the past 2 years. And I've always tried to be there for him. I don't know if I want a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship per se, but I know in my heart that I don't want him out of my life either. Like I told my closest friends: I don't want to define our relationship at all. If it's more than friendly, then let it be, but please, let it be mutual, and PLEASE I need my other friends not to ask questions. I'm a little confused myself how I could like him of all people! I MEAN, SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE FUCK. If it's like a fluke, I'm gonna get irritated. But you know what? I'm not even gonna pursue a relationship so let's not get carried away, self.

He's not leaving anymore this summer. He told me. :D That made me so happy. Been in a very good mood all day because of it. I think my attitude has been rubbing off on my family because they're all smiley and in good moods for the day. My parents were asking me why I was so happy, but I couldn't really give them a good straight answer. All I know is this weekend is going to be fun!

I really hope he comes over tomorrow. =))

OK I'm going to bed. Good day, everybody!
<3

Today was a good day. Iskandar can laugh really loud (he sounds like a girl! LOL), and that is endearing. My mummy worried over him on his way home. She was all "I hope he gets back ok! I can't believe he's travelling alone! That must be so lonely. He's too skinny, he should eat more. Aww. I just want to hug him!"

Lol, you won her over.

I am having a lot of fun. I hope you are, too.

It's funny how life works out sometimes.

I met Iskandar today at downtown Toronto. He's shorter than I thought he would, but he's the same person I know from online. He's very energetic, but very kind, and very easy to talk to. Hanging out with him felt extremely natural. He was extremely tired from his NYC trip, and I was trying to show him all the awesome spots in TO but I think he was just too tired to walk. I was gonna get him a Weekly Pass but I think it's better to get tokens.

The best part of the day was definitely the concert. I've been to gigs and stuff, but I've never really been to a full-out concert with all the crazy arenas and big lights and millions of speakers, and I have to say being actually there is so much different from watching it from a DVD. So, Farah, I know you hate it when people screaming their lungs out when recording videos, but if you were actually there, then you wouldn't be able to help yourself. Especially if you really loooove the band playing.


Iskandar recorded a lot of videos, and I think my voice ruins all of it because I kept going "OMG WOOO!" etc etc. Sorry, y'all. I told him, don't bother taking videos, just be in the moment and take it all in. Trying to hold a camera still while you record doesn't work in concerts that you want to get yourself involved in.

OK Concert Review Time.

Bedouin Soundclash was eh. They sound really good live, and their music is great. But it didn't whet my appetite. Bring on Paramore.



Paramore surprised me. A lot of kids were there because you know, of the Twilight thang, and they were good. Better than I thought, because I've seen their performances on TV and they were kinda terrible there. But tonight they sounded very good, and I liked it. Iskandar enjoyed himself, he kept taping it. Lol. But the audience was kind of dead. Like only a few people were standing up and were into it. A lot of people were just sitting down and weren't even bobbing their heads.



Until, of course, the Mighty Four from Anaheim, California, graced the stage.



Everyone was on their feet, screaming their hearts out, and I was there, surprised to find myself being one of those people. They have so much stage presence it captivates you. And they played all of my favourite songs, so I was singing and rocking out to every single one of them. I clapped so hard that two hours later my hands are still red and swollen, screamed so loud I've lost some of my voice. Gwen invited a few people on stage and I was so jealous. She let them take pictures, dance with her, gave them hugs. She's so awesome. Tony was just guuuuuuh sex on legs. UNF. The whole energy of the crowd--the singing and everything--it was craaazy and electrifying. I can only imagine what it's like being on that stage seeing all of that happen. It's magical! I had such a blast!!! I'm definitely going to try to repeat this experience with No Doubt. They are legends.



On to how life surprises me. When Iskandar and I broke up in 2004, I listened to No Doubt's greatest hits album for 2 years everyday. All the songs they have there relate in one way or another of how I dealt with the situation and how I mended my own heart. And then later, when Iskandar and I finally meet again for the first time in five years, we go to this concert and there Gwen is singing my story to me, and the person standing next to me--the cause of it all. Ain't that funny?

I think it went full circle, call it fate if you will, but my heart is now whole and 100% undeniably and utmost completely just mine again. It's in my own hands now, and whoever I offer it to should know that it's not so easily broken. So cheers to you, Gwen, Tony, Tom and Adrian. And to Iskandar, too. I wouldn't be me without you amazing people.